International
Traffic Code
If you are going to some
exotic destinations for your honeymoon and plan on renting or driving
a vehicle, check to see that you are allowed to use your driver's license
in that country. Here's the traffic code that applies to most
destinations. This may be funny to someone who has not
experienced it personally but these rules apply in varying degrees
outside North America.
1. The
assumption of immortality is required of all drivers.
2. In
descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses,
official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private
cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal-rickshaws,
goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles
(passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
3. All wheeled
vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow
is to falter, to brake is to fail, to give way is to surrender, to
stop is defeat. Let this be your motto.
4. Use of horn
(also known as the sonic sender or aural amulet.)
Cars: Short
blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, i.e. in clearing dogs, rickshaws
and pedestrians from path. Long blasts (desperate) denote
supplication, i.e. to oncoming trucks “I am going too fast to
stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die” In extreme cases
this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
Single
blast (casual) means: “I have seen someone out of the city's 10
million whom I recognize", “There is a bird in the road which
at this speed could go through my windscreen", or “I have not
blown my horn for several minutes.”
Trucks and
Buses: All horn signals have the same meaning, “I have an
all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of
stopping, even if I could” This signal may be emphasized by
the use of headlamps.
5. All
maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the
last possible moment.
6. In the
absence of seat belts (which there is) car occupants shall wear
garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.
7. Rights of
way: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has
traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
8. Lane
discipline: All traffic at all times and irrespective of
direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.
9.
Roundabouts: There are no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands
in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. They
are strictly ornamental. Any other impression should be ignored.
10. Overtaking
is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other
moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.
Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as
in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends at junctions and in
the middle of villages/city centers. No more than two inches should be
allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing — one inch
in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.
11. Nirvana
may be obtained through the head-on crash.
12. Reversing:
no longer applicable, since no vehicle outside USA and Canada has
reverse gear.
